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A middle-aged vampire. A newly infected werewolf. An assassin who wants his payday.
Paulie Vergen is an overweight, balding vampire with only one fang. He longs for adventure, but has always been too afraid to go anywhere. But then a newly infected werewolf shows up at his door. In doggie form, the werewolf is constantly soiling everything and causing trouble, and in human form he has no idea who he is…Paulie names him Burt Biscuits (or Mr. Biscuits when he’s in doggie form).
Due to the local vampire police learning that Paulie is harboring a werewolf, he has to get out of town quick or he’ll end up in jail. Therefore, he decides to help Burt get to the land of the werewolves so that the man can get his memories back. But the gnomes are at war, the portal system is erratic at best, the werewolves are less than cooperative, and riding in an ogre-run trolley isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. Worse, somebody has hired an assassin to make sure that they never reach their destination at all…